Monday, April 20, 2015

A Balance of Holding On, and Letting Go

Several months ago after leaving my job, I tried out an exercise to help me find my “true purpose.” (blog here). I can’t remember where or when I came across it, but the instructions were to write starting with “My purpose in life is...” So, I tried this. The author of the activity said it may not come right away, but that once it does you’ll feel it and react with a great sense of relief. I was ready to stop wondering and understand my purpose.  So, I got to writing, and writing, and writing some more... and little breakthroughs but really not much. What now?

Since that time, I’ve relaxed, focusing instead on self-improvement and joy. Packer games. Job interviews. Exercise. Wondering a bit less about what was next. I stopped volunteering for things that weren’t fun. I signed up for graduate school. And I found myself worrying about money less (even with much less), and found ways to spend less while still buying myself a few new things. I started practicing yoga more regularly and signed up for a Yoga Teacher Training (YTT). I stopped asking the “true purpose” question and started to make decisions that felt right without a full understanding of what the outcome would be.  

My roomie Breia and I at Yoga Teacher Training in Tulum, MX.
And stress has lessened. But my craving for less stress has increased, so I’m searching for ways to go further. I believe yoga can help. I am ready to believe the decisions I make are right, and to respect and give freedom to those not yet ready to be acted upon. 

A Rumi quote: “Life is a balance of holding on, and letting go.” I view this as representative of a yogic viewpoint, and look forward to practicing that... more. I’m excited about joining a community. My greatest sense of belonging was actually in my teens when I was part of sports and rifle teams. The connection to these teams was powerful albeit youthful. But it wasn’t competition that created this (although outwardly this seemed the driver), it was the camaraderie and shared dedication. We shared a commitment to learning more, and to being the best we could be individually and collectively. Together, I was stronger. Together, we were awesome! I enjoyed the movement and synchronization -- twirling that rifle became a part of me, an act of meditation. We practiced form, fitness, focus, perseverance; and felt accomplished, alive, and healthy. Through yoga and living more mindfully and joyfully, I know I can now bring this sense of community and wellness back to my everyday.