Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Coop's Playfully Exasperated "Maaa-haammm"

I'm in the final week of my 200-hr Yoga Teacher Training... it's been a ride. The biggest area of growth for me was not in my on-the-mat practice but in a willingness to embrace vulnerability, allowing myself to be seen in a new way. I learned how my fear of failure and drive for success (as defined by others) was holding me down and keeping me from dreaming. I also learned a bit more about perception... when I was feeling "heavy," my introverted nature led others to view me as aloof, serious, untrustworthy and arrogant. This confused me because inside I was trying so hard to please, albeit alongside bouts of insecurity and frustration when things didn't go as they should. Now that I'm embracing a lighter way of being, my quieter self shines through in a different way. Words my co-teacher trainees used to describe me in a recent exercise were: casually calm; someone with an amusing appreciation of life and an unsuspecting sense of humor. I like the lighter me better:)


The transformation... well it's certainly ongoing and I can't say everyday I have this sense of being. It's a struggle but an enjoyable one to be more mindful of. It's funny, the one that seems to notice the most is my little Cooper, now 8 years old. I hope to always remember his playfully exasperated "maaa-haammm" (i.e. "mom"). He calls out my little snippets of humor often, and it's interesting because I'm pretty sure they were mostly absent before. When harried busyness was the norm, slowing down outwardly and inwardly wasn't something I perceived as an option. I wasn't a bad mom, just not as regularly present and engaged. Yet -- I'm ever thankful for that time in my life. It helped me find my purpose, gave me skills I now feel blessed to share with others, and has put me on a new, exciting life path.


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